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1 Peter 3:1-2
1 Likewise [homoios], ye wives [gune], be in subjection [hupotasso] to your own [idios] husbands [aner]; that [hina], if any [ei tis] obey not [apeitheo] the word [logos], they [kerdaino] also [kai] may [kerdaino] without [aneu] the word [logos] be won [kerdaino] by [dia] the conversation [anastrophe] of the wives [gune];
2 While they behold [epopteuo] your [humon] chaste [hagnos] conversation [anastrophe] coupled with [en] fear [phobos]. KJV-Interlinear
1 In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, 2 as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. NASB
So now we have arrived at the verse that the guys love and the women despise. How can God give all of this authority to a ‘man,’ and force this humiliation on women, especially when most of the men out there are dumber anyway?
And the answer to this perplexing situation is that you do not understand it, first of all, and second, you probably did not associate it with the previous chapters. Duh! We still have a context here, and that context is to be subordinate to Gods authority, by shedding your sin nature’s control over your life, and replacing it with the Holy Spirit’s control through your residence in fellowship.
‘In similar fashion,’ here means, just as we have already studied. Be submissive to the current government, which means obey the laws. Drive on the correct side of the road, obey traffic signals, pay your taxes, etc., etc., etc.
Respect the authority of the coach, the teacher, the employer. And now we have the husband.
The family is an organization, which is a part of divine establishment. It is the culmination of volition, marriage, and children. It is a structure for the protection and perpetuation of the marriage, and it provides an environment for laying a foundation for raising children. The more stable the family, the better prospects for the children.
There are always exceptions, of course. We live in the devils world and children have sin natures, as we all do.
The family has a configuration for preserving its structure. Two people must agree and be willing to compromise with each other, in order to make the marriage work. If one or both are selfish, then what outcome would you expect?
The man is given the position of the authority, because he is typically the one who earns the living which supports the family. This does not make him the wiser, or the more able of the married couple.
But the point here is, simply, the preservation of the family or marriage, is more important than ones own personal wants and desires.
As a single person you have only yourself to care for. But in marriage, you have to place some of your own desires on the back burner, or cancel them altogether, in order to make room for the needs of the couple, or the family, if there are children.
To promote conflict, solves nothing. But to promote love and affection, to promote companionship, to promote these kinds of things, will lead to a preserved and better marriage.
In this situation, as described by Peter, if the husband does not function in his spiritual life, then the wife in effect leads by example - in doctrine, and without forcing the issue. And then hopefully the husband will follow that lead, and get with his own spiritual growth program.
Why is this important? Because, blessing comes into this world, from God, through mature believers. If a husband and wife are both advancing in their spiritual life, then they in effect receive a double portion of blessing for their family. If only one is advancing then that tends to limit this blessing synergy.
More is better than one, but that does not mean that you are cheated if only one is advancing in their spiritual life. It just helps the relationship, the marriage, the family and more important, when hard times really do strike, then you both will be better off in dealing with the hardship, rather than fighting between the two of you, and running for self-preservation off a sinking ship.
The Bible commands the husband to love the wife. The Bible commands the wife to respect the husband.
From this, the woman should never marry until she truly respects her chosen future husband. That alone should eliminate a lot of short term engagements, and prevents a lot of grief later on. From respect, love will blossom.
As for the husband, in that he is in authority, this places the burden of responsibility on him. When single he could do whatever for himself, but in marriage, his interests disappear from life. Love means placing your spouse and children first, and your personal interests last, if at all.
This does not make you a dictator, or give you the right to be a tyrant. Authority means that you are responsible, and to that end, God will hold you accountable for the way you lead your family.
The wife, likewise, is not without responsibility. In the spiritual life, part of growing up spiritually, means that we all are accountable and responsible for living a life as God intends for us to live.
On a ship, the captain has the ultimate authority, but it is the first officer that really gets things done. In rank the first officer recognizes the authority of the captain, but throughout the ship, the first officer carries the power and authority of the captain, especially in the captain’s absence.
So the wife really runs things, with respect to the children, with respect to vendors, with respect to the bills that have to get paid, with everything that has to do with the running of a functioning family and home.
And, when all is over for the day, and when the children are neatly tucked in their beds, the husband and wife retire to a more intimate setting where rank does not exist.
And that is a picture of the perfect marriage which is really choreographed by the wife.
Through the wise and innovative wife, a marriage can blossom to beyond ones imagination.
But it is not the wife who is taking the lead, but doctrine in her soul, that provides the environment and wisdom for making the marriage succeed.
